January 2025 Recap: Dusting off my Substack
Spiritual Guides, cosmic alignments, and a new lease on life
Please let it please be known that these most likely won’t be so long in the future, or maybe they will be, we’re taking this one step at a time. Here’s to the past few weeks xx
Lately, I was hit with the fact that I’ve never thrown myself into my own Substack, this blog has been left stagnant for passersby who know my username but is entirely irrelevant to what my friend was wanting: a CURRENT encapsulating of what we wanted to say and share lately (a vibe I found funny when we’ve all lost interest or faith in the dozen or so social media platforms that dominate the space, fuck you Meta).
I’ve always been what some would call a lurker on the internet, watching and scrolling while almost never participating or posting in any real way. In reality, I had always wanted to write what equated to love notes to my friends and future self, and not let the many versions of me pass by without any ability to recall or document my many phases of life. I wanted the taste of nostalgia without having to present it to an aesthetic audience, within the bounds of algorithms and platforms dictated by someone else’s idea of what the internet should be. I never liked the idea of some giant, unaccountable tech company hoarding a cache of my life’s memories and being unable to control it, or what they did with it, or if I even had access to it. It’s also just a type of putting oneself out there I’ve never been able to take on, if I’m honest.
Coincidentally, this also made me feel like I was just creeping on people, lurking in the background, and since that feeling I’ve been largely absent online for the better part of the last few years.
Until! Mia hits us with a group chat, maybe the best group chat I’ve ever been in, certainly the only one I’ve ever wanted to be in, and gets an email newsletter chain going between us of all of our current thoughts, feelings, likes, and dislikes.
Well. If I needed a sign, I counted on Mia to send it.
“People get married after knowing each other after two years, and they finally go, now I finally like you enough to get married. Everyone changes every day. So I think you have to be pretty brave.” - Pamela Anderson, on her and Tommy Lee of Mötley Crüe
Pluto Enters Aquarius
I love to reference my life regarding the planets' astrological positions, so it seems impersonal for me not to do the same here.
So, a drive-by summary: In the first three weeks of 2025 I got back on my ADHD medication after a long stint of not having health insurance, an experience many of us in our late twenties have trudged through. I also kicked my husband out, got back together a few days later, and signed up for couples counseling. The whole thing I took on with a strange and somewhat outside-of-myself calm, not towards the emotional and psychological hurt of it per see, but towards the real-life functionality of it and how everything was going to be fine and figured out either way (strattera brings a whole “I can see clearly now the rain is gone” jingle vibe to life). I overhauled our family finances (thank you Caleb Hammer), reorganized and rearranged our house, got a killer new haircut (thank you Rey!!!), and went to the Peoples’ March at the Columbus State House with my Mom and daughters.
If you would like to get more involved with the Womens’ March, a national organizing group promoting the welfare of all Americans during Trump’s presidency and the rise of fascist right-wing politics, please go here.
And then something kind of crazy happened; through my accidental networking ways, months of crawling on LinkedIn, and just a bit of what must have been cosmic alignment, I landed a full-time copywriting job at a major retail company.
A real, with benefits, “big girl” job, as my friends would say. I was both in a state of disbelief that it happened, and in full belief as to how.
No more running for gigs and tips for me!!!! I’ll be working a capitalist cog working 9-5 writing product descriptions and keywording products, saying goodbye to night shifts and gig sites to cashflow a million sources of income. After struggling through a college degree and then failing to find a place I felt I’d actually fit, I’ve finally found some footing.
Suddenly I realized, all at once, that my and my family’s life was about to change, and I had hardly been able to keep up with documenting any of the last few years where we crash-landed into becoming parents and did a one-eighty on our once stoner-fied, hippie lives. I wanted to grab everything that had happened all at once and compress it all at once, like a yearning to observe the universe pre-big bang, marvel at the journey it’s taken to get here and the huge, splintering life that’s become of it, and at how incredible life is when the only thing you plan for is for yourself to be better than you were the day before.
It hasn’t come without burnout. I heard another writer say they were in the “fire hose stage of life,” and I can’t think of another phrase to describe it so succinctly. I feel like I’d been floating and fighting the current for years. Six months before I eventually moved in with my now husband, I was surfing Craigslist for vans to upgrade and live in while working remotely with my dog. Fast forward two years, I’ve become a working wife and foster mom, with a house and goals, a slew of fuzzy animals and living an adult lease on life that had both been asked for but thrust upon me.
I’ve been stuck in thinking about how it feels as if I’m living my life upside-down. Like I’ve been living in an upturned hourglass, I’m watching my friends living and finding themselves, taking chances, debating cross-country moves and how they want to spend their youth before doing that elusive thing I never think we ever actually do that we like to call “settling down”. On the flip side, I’m watching others our age having babies and buying houses, using their college degrees and becoming account managers or certified whatevers, and settling into the unpredictable but stable routines of childcare and family vacations, molding their own American dreams one day at a time, at a time when none of us know what tomorrow looks like. I’m not sure which camp is the bravest, just that I don’t, and probably won’t ever again, fit into either one.
The universe has always given me exactly what I’ve needed, never when I wanted it.
I’ve been struck thinking lately about how my kids will know my friends before their children do, and will be able to experience and pass versions of their parents on in ways we couldn’t convey, being a part of it. While I’ve currently mourned my lack of presence outside of my home life these past few years, and I know I’ve predetermined much of my next few, it’s making me the person I want to become, and I need this to be present in the way I want to be in the future.
I’m babbling. Let’s bring us back to today’s focus of conversation: recordkeeping and sharing with my friends.
Here’s a snapshot of what I’ve been consuming, loving, and wanting to share lately:
I’ve been falling deep into my yearning for an artful life. I haven’t forced myself to go out, I’ve stayed in as the cold creeps through our old house, indulging in this feeling that I’m preparing for 2025 to be a big year, while not knowing exactly what I’m getting ready for. I’ve revisited myself and my hobbies, recentered my focus, and have gone back to the roots of what gives me that deep cozy feeling.
This includes but is not limited to devouring three audiobooks in the beginning of January while crocheting a blanket to further rot in, consciously consuming and creating material I find fulfilling, not a waste of time, taking the TikTok ban and my abhorrence for everything Meta as a push to get back to simpler ways to spend my time, and deep diving into planning and journaling.
I’ve boiled simmer pots to bless our home, washed every sheet and blanket until everything smells fresh and clean, reorganized the books, and stocked the pantry, like a bear in the winter, I feel like I’m nesting.
Eyes
Starting with Substack finds:
This post about the mortal turmoil of the mother-daughter relationship has lived rent-free in my mind for the past week, particularly the parts about the intergenerational realizations we experience as we move through the same ages our foremothers once were.
I also loved this post about creativity needing stability, even when we’re trying to find answers in the dark. This post is about finding love long after losing your first love, and do we really ever get over it? And this quote, “the most likable, charismatic, enjoyable people to be around are people who demand nothing of you,” can be found in this post about finding people who receive and pass on sensations in social situations without resistance, and why it can feel so good to be around them.
I’ve read three books already, kickstarting my goal to hit 12 books this year altogether:
Liars by Sarah Monguso : a short descent through the beginning and end of a toxic marriage, and while it wasn’t exactly a positive read, it was incredibly cathartic to read as someone who’s always struggled with the social aspects and expectations of artistic women in marriage and motherhood.
The Age of Magical Overthinking by Amanda Montell : I listened to this on Spotify after listening to Amanda’s podcast (and reading her book forever ago) Sounds Like a Cult, where she’s made her mark in exploring all coping mechanisms, irrational explanations, and the negative sides of cognitive bias, especially for those of us who are seeking answers in misinformed places. Her books are denser versions of her podcasts, so I’d dive into either one of them first.
Currently reading All Fours by Miranda July, another book to add to my collection of understandably deranged women finding themselves later in adulthood in the middle of marriage and motherhood, doing something out of pocket but seemingly mundane to feel alive again. I love books like this, among the ranks of My Year of Rest and Relaxation and Severence, it’s my way of working through my nuanced feelings, and as each known layer of women’s issues comes to hit me during this political era, I think I’m going to keep inhaling contemporary literature like this.
The book club is picking up Brave New World, and I’m so excited. Not only did I want to commit to more classics this year (Madame Bovary is in my top to reads), I was funneled into the kids reading 1984 in highschool and I feel like I was severely deprived by not being one of the ones to read this instead, and I’m hoping we have a classroom discussion over what’s going on and connecting it to today.
Still obsessed with Martha, I’m watching Pamela Anderson: A Love Story on Netflix while I write this (wow, it’s like I have an obsession for hot, multi-faceted women or something). I’ve been binging pop culture documentaries while we’ve been cold indoors, my top recs of the same vein include (other than the above): Ghislane Maxwell:Filty Rich, Britney VS Spears, Beckham, Glitter and Greed: The Lisa Frank Story, The Martha Mitchel Effect, and Depp vs Heard.
Ears
My current handful of rotating astrology podcasts:
Astrology Unbound with Evan Nathaniel Grim, he’s my current favorite and most in-depth lately, and I love to get into his deep dives on YouTube while I plan my week. Chani Nichols’ podcast is also great for quick meditations, but I’ve been listening to Molly McCord’s Intuitive Astrology in the shower for a similar read, but far deeper analysis.
Some specific podcast episodes I really zoned into this month:
And just for a dash of self-awareness:
Eats
I’m thinking of sharing our weekly meal plan in the future, but here are some of our favorites for now!
My kids and I have deemed this eggless pancake recipe to end all pancake recipes. They are perfect, fluffy, and the best to save in the fridge for later without getting rubbery, according to these most distinguished experts. Add a dash of almond extract and they taste more like the old-school pancakes we’d get out of the box (in the best way).
Cranberry balsamic roast beef, for these icy winter days. I added a bit of sweet soy into the mix and it came out *perfect*. With a two-pound chuck roast, I modified the recipe and seared it in my iron skillet before roasting at 375F on the top rack for 40 minutes for medium rare. Topped with dried rosemary from Steven’s herb garden last year.
MIA. This is the crinkle cookie recipe River loves, and is really, really good for Valentine’s parties. Use dutch cocoa for best results, and I recommend using a stand mixer, it gets pretty dense. The dough is super sticky, so make sure to use a container or cellophane wrap to chill it completely before spooning and rolling it in powdered sugar to bake (touch with your fingers as little as possible, they love to melt immediately). I also want to try this gingerbread version.
Rum and ginger taken to the next level, Mia and I also discovered that rum, pineapple, ginger, and a dash of mango is the perfect winter drink for me. Give me ten, please.
Top *herby strains* for those interested in an ADHD girly’s preferred prescription have been Coffee Creamer from King City and, as always, my favorite sativa Orange Kush Cake from Firelands.
Current Dunkin’ order: Large iced coffee with lava cake (4) and oat milk.
Extras
I’m wanting to get a PC to play my Sims and finally get into Baldurs Gate SO BAD you guys, my little MacBook and my 12 year old iMac no longer stand a chance. Someone smarter than me PLEASE tell me if either of these two mini models are worth my time and effort.
Currently working on a version of this crochet cloud blanket I found on YouTube as my official bed rot project, in which I become warmer and cozier with each passing stitch. I love it because every blanket made from it looks undeniably retro, and it’s super beginner-friendly, which means I can hyper-fixate on these audiobooks and zoom right through it.
I HAVE NOT EVEN STARTED this winter’s knitted sweater, but it’s fine, it’s cool, I have 5 skeins of cascade 200 worsted in the most beautiful, old English heather grey that will eventually become a Neigh sweater from Caitlin Hunter’s pattern (all of them are amazing please check her out, it took forever to pick one that wasn’t the viral Halibut pattern). I also have my shawl in waiting, the pattern I’ve been working on while I wait for the kids in between extracurriculars, and Mochi knit’s Top Sol cami on my needles, will probably finish closer to spring :)
Shoutouts and Housekeeping
Let me take this chance to respond to everyone in the group chat who’s sent over their current recaps.
Mia - thank you so much for getting this going, I feel like this is one of the best things that could have brought all of us together. I love email newsletters already, and I hope we can keep this going :)
Skylar - I love All About Love, and just about everything Bell Hooks has written. It’s one of those books I love to keep an extra copy of just in case I want to gift it to a friend. I also recommend Everything I Know About Love by Dolly Alderton, and wishing you the best xx
Katie - Relating to your feelings of embracing emotional work that once felt like an obligation. I mean, it still feels like an obligation, but it’s work I’ve chosen, and I feel like this newsletter situation has been the way the universe has sent me mutual aid, by not letting me face life without community. It’s the commitment of continuously putting into this that I’m a little nervous about, but then I realized the amount of commitment it takes just to live life truthfully.
I’m looking forward to reading everyone else’s, and to whoever else may be reading, I appreciate you xx